Nothing but the darkness

Last night was horrible. It took me ages to get to sleep. I was so agitated, I was exhausted but I just couldn’t relax! Was so frustrating. I slept in the end, don’t know what time. But when I woke up I felt as though I hadn’t slept.

I got up early anyway because Sammy pup was being dropped off. I went back to bed for a bit, was still a bit restless but I was tired. Managed to sleep for a bit. Just sat chilling watching tv with the animals surrounding me. 

Got in a argument with my brother. It started with him texting me about wanting to go out with fox and I said no because I’m not feeling well (will explain why in a bit) and he said oh one day this year I will get a yes! A proper DIG at me I felt. Yeah I say no to him a lot, one because I don’t feel well and two because I don’t really like spending time with him as he talks to me like shit. So he just went on and on about how I never see the family, bringing his kid, bump and my little cousin into it! Which was a low fucking blow. But the truth is we aren’t a close family, they only see him because they have no fucking choice, he forces himself upon them. And yes when I feel well I spend time with my friends, I don’t get why that is so freaking bad. But yeah he was calling me selfish, calling me a cunt all sorts. I fucking HATE him, he always makes me feel like I’m such a bad fucking person! He’s deleted me and made his gf do the same. I don’t hang out with my family because non of them even try to understand me and my issues. So why should I spend my time with people who don’t get me? Harsh but its a waste of time. I feel like they don’t want to know and the feeling is mutual so why make everyone unhappy? so yeah whatever I am a bad person… as always. I sent my mum this message – Can you explain to your son that I’m not always physically and mentally well enough to go out at the drop of a hat! I am sick of his verbal abuse. Taking it to a personal level saying things like non of the family like me, calling me a cunt!! This is why I don’t want to be around him, he’s a nasty person and is always only out for himself. Have I had a reply? No! no surprise there though, mummies little golden boy!

So yeah…. I am dealing with that bullshit and physically and mentally feeling like shit! My legs have been aching so bad all day despite pain killers and a hot shower. I have no idea why they hurt so much 😦 I managed to eventually have a shower, do a load of laundry and take the dogs for a wee.

I’ve just been trying to relax today, so just been playing fb games and chatting to Z 🙂 Oh and doing laundry.. I feel better for just relaxing. But I still hurt quite a bit, which sucks. I took the dogs out again earlier, which was nice. Oh I changed up the cats track 🙂 looks so fun. Hehehe.

I’ve got someone coming to get the dog litter tray that I am selling. Fox has never used it so made no sense to keep it. So getting a fiver for that. 

 Looking fresh faced! Camera on my new phone is amazing, so sharp. Even the front camera. 

 Cats toy 🙂 They are so spoilt.

Going to try and maybe have a sandwich.

Peace out

Tank girl

2 Comments on “Nothing but the darkness

  1. Is that catnip growing? Or part of the toy? My cat Homer would go wild.
    Sorry about your brother. Sometimes family sucks!

  2. Yeah its growing and part of the toy 🙂 Yeah he’s a jackass and always has been

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