Dark passenger is no longer

So I don’t remember falling asleep last night, so yeah I slept ok. But however I was up at a stupid hour AGAIN. I bounced out of bed at about 7 am…. I mean seriously wtf is up with that?! It keeps happening! But I wasn’t even like wide awake, I was just awake… and kept falling back to sleep on the sofa… my body is so freaking weird! 

Sat and ate crackers lol, then I did get showered and dressed. I took fox down to Asda where I was meeting a lady as she was buying the doggy litter box off me. I didn’t have to wait for long and she was really lovely. I then took fox for a little walk, so she could pee. 

I got back home and sat down and I haven’t really moved since… :/ I’ve been up and down, I tried doing a bit of doodling and colouring in…played with a bit of Lego…I just couldn’t get into anything. My mood is so low still. So I’ve just been pottering about the place aimlessly. Having no money till tomorrow hasn’t helped either. 

I have been chatting to my new friend Z for most of the day which has been cool. Hopefully she will be coming over on Sunday, which will be something nice to look forward too. 

Tomorrow its meant to be raining, but I hope it doesn’t as I want to take L and Harvey crab fishing 🙂 If not then I’m gonna get my hair cut and pay bills etc. And may go over to L’s instead. 

My joints are feeling much better today and less painful. My head has been hurting a lot today. But I think there’s where I’ve been so tense. Just listening the to The Script at the moment feeling a bit more relaxed.

It’s not 10:30 pm and I’m not even tired, but I am a bit hungry, so will try and have something to eat in a bit. 

Just looking at my foxy girl who is fast asleep and tbh if it wasn’t for her I don’t think I would be here right now, after all that’s happened over the last 3-4yrs. I would of given up without her. I know I’ve not had her that long, just coming up to 2 yrs. But still she is the reason I am still breathing today. If my maths is correct I am 9 nearly 10 months self harm free (I will double check this) I am so proud of myself for that and you know what through this current bout of depression, my dark passenger hasn’t really been present! Which is great! I mean that is a pretty big freaking step for me. Usually with depression, the dark passenger gets strong and over takes me. But not this time. Am I finally beating this demon for good?? Bitter sweet really, as its been a part of my life for the past 19 yrs… which is like most of my life. My dark passenger was my best friend, something I sometimes enjoyed. But like everything, some things are best left behind no matter how hard it maybe, but its an important part of becoming the better you. My dark passenger will always be with me, but I will never let it control me again. I am much stronger then it now. No more scars on my flesh. 

Well I better try and eat, my tummy is grumbling lol.

Peace out

Tank girl

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