Drained….

Been a lil busy boy, so not been about. So I shall catch you all up πŸ™‚

Thursday was good. I was up early for some reason, so I had a nice cooked breakfast in asda. Took the pups out etc. It was a relaxing morning because I was up so early, had time to do all the bits I needed too. I went into EE as I had an email about getting a tab on contract. So I came out with a Samsung Galaxy tab s on a 24month contract at Β£25 a month for 4gb. I love my new toy. Selling my old tab to L.

I went to group in the afternoon and it was great to be back. I had really missed it last week. I swear though, that only 3 of us in the group actually talk about anything to do with LGBT or mental health, others just talk about their ailments and what they have been up too. Makes me question what they get out of coming….Next week we are doing some art therapy, so looking forward too that. I think I have a lil crush on someone in the group… :/ but she’s taken. Which makes me want her more. Gah! I even had a dream about kissing her…man it was a sexy dream. But yeah…lol.

After group I got in and made a chicken, bacon and leek pie all from scratch, the cheese sauce too! It was so lush, loads left to freeze as well. I went over to see C and C after dinner for a few hours. C gave me a new power lead for my xbox, so I am mega happy it works now πŸ˜€ Just chilled out and chatted which was nice. Didn’t leave too late, so got home just before 12 am. Did my usual night time routine, took pups out etc. Was in bed by about 1 am.

Fri I woke up a bit later, took me a while to get going. But I got up, did my morning routine. Didn’t have much time to take it slow. Got my bag ready and headed out to catch my 1st bus. I only had to wait 20 mins for the second bus, so I started watching Monsters Inc on my phone while I waited. Got to the hospital a bit early but took me ages to bloody find my way in! They are doing a lot of building work, so I got pretty stressed out because everything had moved. And I am so shit at directions. Kept asking people how to get to places, but I got there in the end. I went to the chemist to get my prescription, I had a little look and they were pre-filled pens with my exact dose. Went to outpatients and waited for the nurse. The nurse came and got me, bang on my app time. She was really nice πŸ™‚ she started explaining all about the injections etc and showed me how to do it. Then she gave me an empty pen, to practice how to do it. I was nervous, but it was easy enough to do. Then she took out one of my pens and I did it for real! The jab itself didn’t hurt, I didn’t feel it at all. But right after….well that hurt like FUCK! JEEZ man! The nurse was like…oh forgot to tell you about that! Lol yeah cheers. Fuck it hurt. But if it stops making me sick, then its so worth it. So I got 3 pens, so that will last 3 weeks and I have 2 sharps bins. Then nurse showed me a quicker way to get out, so didn’t spend half an hour trying to get out lol. The next but was meant to be a 20 mins wait…..but I waited and 2 buses didn’t turn up! After waiting for nearly an hour, I finally got the bus and continued watching Monsters Inc. My stomach was really hurting, felt so uncomfortable. Got off and waited for another bus, but didn’t have to wait that long, still watching Monsters Inc. I got home 4 hours and 40mins after I had first left! Hate the journey so much.

Just relaxed all evening. I had been invited out to 3 different events. But my stomach was still hurting and I just didn’t feel like it. I went to the shop and treated me and the pups to some yummy things πŸ™‚ Come in and snuggled on with sofa. I did try and eat some dinner, but I felt a bit sicky as the jab was still hurting my stomach. I was in bed by half 10 pm!

I only woke up this morning, because of the post man. But he delivered me the cover I had ordered for my tab. That was about just after 10 am this morning. The methotrexate had made me drowsy, so I was in and out of sleep most of today. Finally got my butt up and showered and dressed at 2 pm. I took the pups across the road for a run. I let scrappy off the lead as his boy bits are all healed now and boy did he run! Hehehe he went crazy! and so did foxy. Think she enjoyed playing with him again.

Felt a bit bored this afternoon/evening. Put some feelers out to see what people were up too. But everyone was busy. But its ok, I just sat with how I felt. Again I tried to eat dinner, but I just didn’t want it. I’m hungry but since being sick, I’ve had not really wanted anything other then jam on toast! Well I have, but its just not gone down :/

Just been chatting to friends and playing fb games this evening. I just remembered that I had such a weird dream last night. I dreamt that me and my friend H were taken to a pen convention by someone who I felt I knew, but I didn’t know who it was. It was SO weird. This convention was about pens….as in the type you write with. No other stationary…just pens. It was so bizarre. Just remember feeling confused about what the fuck was going on! haha.

Mentally I’m doing ok. After being physically ill and so emotional last week has taken its toll a bit, if I am being totally honest. I’m tired. Day to day life, emotionally and physically is fucking hard. And I’m tired. I sometimes wonder how and why I keep going…but I do. I do wish sometimes that someone would just help me with everything. So its not such a struggle. I have no-one to emotionally lean on and that’s hard. I’m just tired and emotionally drained! I’ll be ok tomorrow.

I’m talking to one of the guys from the trans group about binders and stuff, so am hoping he can help me with it all as its confusing and I don’t really know where to start or even what I’m doing. So looking forward to that. I am thinking my new hair cut makes me look more like a guy πŸ™‚

Z is coming over tomorrow, so looking forward to seeing her. I’m glad I didn’t go out with her and C for C’s bday as coke was being taken… and I wouldn’t have enjoyed it at all. It’s one thing being around drunk people, but I hate being round people who are coked up….reminds me way too much of my 1st gf. That was not a good time! So yeah…

Going to have some toast soon, then do my night time routine and get myself to bed as I’m feeling tired now.

Β My pen and bins.

Β Just chilling πŸ™‚

Peace out

Batman

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