GROUP DAY! WOOHOO! I love Thursdays 🙂
I managed to get myself to bed by 11 pm after spending nearly 2 hours putting my last Lego set together, I had much fun. I have now run out of space to put them, I think I am going to have to invest in some shelves. I have two fairly big wall spaces where I want them to go, its just finding some nice ones that fit what I want.
Anyway I slept well a good 8 hours, only bad thing about getting to sleep early is getting up so early. I did my usual have breakfast, watch tv, catch up with messages and stuff. I did have a nap, I don’t think it was for long though. Didn’t feel sleepy tired but I did need to rest.
By 10 am BANG! I was freaking on it! Like I’d had a shot of adrenaline or something. I was so on it that I actually had time to watch a bit of adventure time before I left for group.
Had a shower, got dressed and I took the pups across the road for half an hour for a good run. The sun was so freaking nice 🙂 ahh can so feel the spring coming. I think maybe the sun helps a lot. I had the windows open and the balcony door. Ah fresh spring air and sun makes me a happy boy. And I am glad the pups had a proper run before I left them for the afternoon as I always feel guilty about leaving them for long periods.
When I got in I sorted out the hallway and bathoom to make it safe and comfy for the pups. They had food, water, toys and there bed and blankets. We watched a bit of Adventure Time, I’d taken my pain meds a lil bit before too. Got my bag ready to head out, always make sure I got medications and spare ones too and other bits lol. I am always prepared. I put the pups into the hallway, they go in there quite happily now because they know they get treats, so it’s a bit less stressful on us all. Although they are still a little confused about it all I can see that in their faces and foxy still is a lil bit shaky but she’s ok.
Left to go get my bus to group. Feeling edgy and restless today but it isn’t anxiety or something I’ve felt before. It’s a bit strange and I can’t put my finger on it, just gotta deal with it I suppose.
Group was good, got to share all my happy news. Didn’t share the crappy stuff that’s going on because well I don’t want to share it. I want to hold on to the good things right now. Struggled to concentrate when people were talking, I kept checking out which is so bad because I know I probably look like I’m not listening….Which is true I’m not entirely present. I can’t seem to help it. When I realise I have totally checked out, like the room looks all cartoon like and weird. It’s strange but when I know what’s happening I try and bring myself back into the present and refocus myself. But other then that it was good.
I got home earlier then I usually do, as I didn’t hang about and group finished on time. So I got home at half 4 and the puppies were extremely happy! I was still feeling edgy but energetic, so I had a quick tidy up of a few bits, but reminded myself that I am going to clean the flat properly tomorrow so I don’t need to go too crazy now.
Took the crazy pups across the road for half an hour to play fetch and have a good run. It was nice to be out in the sun too and it wasn’t freezing either. Just so nice to be out, I think the sun has a big impact on my mood. It makes me happy and gives me more energy then I usually have.
I had myself some dinner and all this evening I have been catching up on tv that I’ve recorded. Oh and chatting to friends on fb 🙂
I spoke to my friend about how I was feeling and if its normal and stuff (he’s trans but much further down the line) and he said its totally normal. Phew! So yeah I was thinking I was feeling edgy because now everyone knows I am trans. It’s hit home because now its actually real, this is happening! This is me. I feel some kind of pressure now to change my physical appearance, like maybe people want to see instant results or something. I just feel pressure now. No going back, not that I want too..but yeah its here, its real! I am so excited about this journey but also a little scared. But knowing its all normal to feel like this then that’s good. Feeling less edgy now I know where this feeling has come from.
After this I shall be off to bed. My finger is feeling much better, its still swollen and still hurts and its not as strong yet, but I have another week before I see the hand person again. Hopefully by then it will fully be better.
Oh I have my specialist on Tues…he knows what’s been going on with me health wise, I am so hoping for some real answers and medication that bloody does something! Bit anxious about it all though.
Tomorrow I am cleaning the flat in the morning, my best friend and I are going for lunch in the afternoon and then I got peeps over in the evening 🙂 so busy day. BRING IT ON!
Category: UncategorizedTags: bipolar, bus, catch up, check out, edgy, energy, excited, food, friends, group, lack of concentration, lego, mental health group, messages, morning, nap, plan, pressure, pups, restless, routine, scared, sleep, spring, sun, tidy up, tired, transboy, transgender, tv, walk, wegeners polyangiitis