Edgy boy but doing good

GROUP DAY! WOOHOO! I love Thursdays πŸ™‚

I managed to get myself to bed by 11 pm after spending nearly 2 hours putting my last Lego set together, I had much fun. I have now run out of space to put them, I think I am going to have to invest in some shelves. I have two fairly big wall spaces where I want them to go, its just finding some nice ones that fit what I want.

Anyway I slept well a good 8 hours, only bad thing about getting to sleep early is getting up so early. I did my usual have breakfast, watch tv, catch up with messages and stuff. I did have a nap, I don’t think it was for long though. Didn’t feel sleepy tired but I did need to rest.

By 10 am BANG! I was freaking on it! Like I’d had a shot of adrenaline or something. I was so on it that I actually had time to watch a bit of adventure time before I left for group.

Had a shower, got dressed and I took the pups across the road for half an hour for a good run. The sun was so freaking nice πŸ™‚ ahh can so feel the spring coming. I think maybe the sun helps a lot. I had the windows open and the balcony door. Ah fresh spring air and sun makes me a happy boy. And I am glad the pups had a proper run before I left them for the afternoon as I always feel guilty about leaving them for long periods.

When I got in I sorted out the hallway and bathoom to make it safe and comfy for the pups. They had food, water, toys and there bed and blankets. We watched a bit of Adventure Time, I’d taken my pain meds a lil bit before too. Got my bag ready to head out, always make sure I got medications and spare ones too and other bits lol. I am always prepared. I put the pups into the hallway, they go in there quite happily now because they know they get treats, so it’s a bit less stressful on us all. Although they are still a little confused about it all I can see that in their faces and foxy still is a lil bit shaky but she’s ok.

Left to go get my bus to group. Feeling edgy and restless today but it isn’t anxiety or something I’ve felt before. It’s a bit strange and I can’t put my finger on it, just gotta deal with it I suppose.

Group was good, got to share all my happy news. Didn’t share the crappy stuff that’s going on because well I don’t want to share it. I want to hold on to the good things right now. Struggled to concentrate when people were talking, I kept checking out which is so bad because I know I probably look like I’m not listening….Which is true I’m not entirely present. I can’t seem to help it. When I realise I have totally checked out, like the room looks all cartoon like and weird. It’s strange but when I know what’s happening I try and bring myself back into the present and refocus myself. But other then that it was good.

I got home earlier then I usually do, as I didn’t hang about and group finished on time. So I got home at half 4 and the puppies were extremely happy! I was still feeling edgy but energetic, so I had a quick tidy up of a few bits, but reminded myself that I am going to clean the flat properly tomorrow so I don’t need to go too crazy now.

Took the crazy pups across the road for half an hour to play fetch and have a good run. It was nice to be out in the sun too and it wasn’t freezing either. Just so nice to be out, I think the sun has a big impact on my mood. It makes me happy and gives me more energy then I usually have.

I had myself some dinner and all this evening I have been catching up on tv that I’ve recorded. Oh and chatting to friends on fb πŸ™‚

I spoke to my friend about how I was feeling and if its normal and stuff (he’s trans but much further down the line) and he said its totally normal. Phew! So yeah I was thinking I was feeling edgy because now everyone knows I am trans. It’s hit home because now its actually real, this is happening! This is me. I feel some kind of pressure now to change my physical appearance, like maybe people want to see instant results or something. I just feel pressure now. No going back, not that I want too..but yeah its here, its real! I am so excited about this journey but also a little scared. But knowing its all normal to feel like this then that’s good. Feeling less edgy now I know where this feeling has come from.

After this I shall be off to bed. My finger is feeling much better, its still swollen and still hurts and its not as strong yet, but I have another week before I see the hand person again. Hopefully by then it will fully be better.

Oh I have my specialist on Tues…he knows what’s been going on with me health wise, I am so hoping for some real answers and medication that bloody does something! Bit anxious about it all though.

Tomorrow I am cleaning the flat in the morning, my best friend and I are going for lunch in the afternoon and then I got peeps over in the evening πŸ™‚ so busy day. BRING IT ON!

Peace out

Batman

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