Purposeful :)

I’ve been sat here for ages just looking at the screen zoning out because I’m actually quite tired. But the rain is hammering down outside, so I’m going to write this entry in hope that it dies down a bit before I take the pups for a wee.

I’m feeling really good today, well I’m feeling really tired and achy but mentally I’m feeling good. I was so worried about lowering the quetiapine, I thought it would be much harder then it actually has been, my moods have been pretty stable apart from the normal ups and downs of just life I’ve not really had any major struggles, no real depressive or manic episode. I feel a lot more centred, happy and settled, I think maybe that has a lot to do with transitioning but also it’s age and the fact I have and still do put a lot of effort in each day to continue to have good mental health.

Yesterday was good but it was hot! really hot. I had a pretty chilled morning, was able to take my time in getting ready for group. I was up early again about 7 am, so I did have breakfast and had a short nap until my alarm went off. My sleep is a bit restless at the moment and I keep waking up so early but still being so tired, I think maybe it’s just a blip.

Group was good, trying at times with the check in and my struggle to listen, focus and look interested. But overall it was good, we looked at a model of coming out as LGB, didn’t get far into it but it is really interesting, I look forward to looking through the rest and giving my input on how it is to come out as trans*

When I got home to my happy puppies, I chilled out for a bit and I chased up all the peeps I had rung on Monday, I now have permission for both dogs which is great, I went through my form the social services, so should hear from them by the end of next week and the receptionist at the doctors wasn’t sure if he’d seen my message so she flagged it up again and said to ring to check next week. So I felt really good for chasing it all up. After all that I had myself some dinner and as it was so nice and the pups had been in all afternoon we went on our usual walk along the water . It was really nice out and we were out for about 3 hours, just strolled along and kept sitting to rest and take everything in. Scrappy had fun swimming in the sea and foxy was saying hello to everyone. It was like a jellyfish graveyard along the water, so so many of the barrel jellyfish had all washed up. The walk didn’t end too well though, as we were heading back along the water and scrappy was running in and out of the sea I noticed that he wasn’t putting one of his feet on the floor, so I had a look at his paw and it wasn’t bleeding but it did look sore, he’d tore a bit of his pad off maybe on a sharp stone or something. He was shaking as he was cold but he was so wet and sandy I didn’t want to pick him up, so I wrapped him up in my hoodie and then picked him up and carried him all the way home, which isn’t really that far but it felt MILES carrying a 6kg pup lol. He was really good though and sat really still all snuggled up like a lil baby, so so sweet and miss foxy was so great she walked all the way home without a lead as I couldn’t carry him and walk her, even across the roads she did so well. She’s such a good girl off the lead 🙂

After we had got home I gave scrappy a shower to warm him and up wash all the sand off him and I put a lil bandage over his lil paw just to keep is dry and clean. I took my meds and we all went to bed, I was shattered after all that fresh air. I think I was probably asleep but just gone 11 pm.

Again I was up at 7 am, so I got up and let scrappy on the balcony to pee. I had a drink and some breakfast and snuggled back up on the sofa for a nap until about 10 am. I was still really tired so I don’t know why I can’t stay asleep at the moment, it’s so frustrating.

But once I got going I felt less fatigued, got myself showered and dressed and had something else to eat. Took the crazy pups across the road for a 20 mins run, scrappy’s bandage came off while he was out but he wasn’t holding it up so it must feel less sore now.

I got myself ready to go meet M who was taking me to the Weymouth group. The car trip as always was fun and we had a good chat about things 🙂

The group itself was really good, I was actually asked by a member if I was a counsellor as he said by the way I talk it sounds like I am, which is pretty cool 🙂 I have done basic counselling skills courses and other such related stuff. I was pretty chuffed with that comment though, I must be doing something right. I really hope that my being at the group and talking to them that I help at least one person with something.

The car trip back was hilarious too, we get on so so well 🙂

Got home at 6 pm to my very happy pups, I took them straight across the road for a run about as it looked like it was going to rain and it did lol! So we spent about half hour over there.

Just been trying to stay awake the rest of the evening, I’ve just wanted to fall asleep but that definitely wouldn’t help with the restless sleeping. So I’ve been on the laptop trying to keep distracted.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow, I’m going over with the pups to see L in the afternoon and in the evening we’re going to take Harvey to see Jurassic world in 3D 🙂 it should be good fun. So yeah that should be a really good day, I have nothing planned for Sunday but I feel that maybe a Lego day! Well after I’ve found space to display them.

The rain has settled a lot now so I’m going to post this, take my meds and do my metoject (methotrexate injection) take pups for a wee and get to bed.

Peace out


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