I am so so tired but everything is a lot less intense then it was yesterday, which I am very grateful for.
Um where to start.. Slept well last night, woke up about 5 am though but managed to get back to sleep pretty soon.
Took my time in getting ready this morning, remembered to put my dinner on in the slow cooker. Didn’t have the head space or energy to rush about, even managed to do a little colouring in and I think that made all the difference, that helped to relax me and lighten my mood.
M picked me up at half 12 pm and off we went to the Weymouth LGBT mental health group. It was a really good session and I so love helping out there 🙂 M is going to help get me more involved so I can take a session or do a little exercise within the session which would be so great.
The group ran an hour over, but that was cool because it was needed and I think a lot of people got a lot out of it.
Despite the traffic, the crap weather and it being the school holidays, it didn’t take too long to get home thankfully.
I was greeted by my two happy puppies and my two happy cats 🙂 Sat for a bit catching up on text’s and stuff.
Had myself some dinner, stuck on CSI, did my Lego and just been catching up on here.
Legs have been sore again today, the muscles on the bottom of my feet hurt when I walk. But it’s not been as bad as other days.
How do I feel right now? Now that is a question that I am not sure I can answer because I’m not sure how I feel. Things feel less intense then it did yesterday which is a good thing. Still feel really irritable though, I feel like everything is on top of me at the moment and I just want to scream FUCK OFF! I don’t mean it though, I think I just need sometime out. Also think I am putting a lot of pressure on myself too, I’ve spent such a long time feeling so down and depressed that now I’ve been fairly stable and feeling good that I am terrified of even feeling a tiny bit down because I am scared that my mood will dip to the point of how it’s been before, which wasn’t a good place. It was dark, it was scary and it was fucking hard to get myself out of and I don’t want to have to do that all over again because it’s so hard. So now I don’t let myself feel the downs, not even a little. I suppose it’s a sort of prevention..coping strategy but I think if I don’t let myself feel the downs as I go along then it will build up to the point where it will all hit me at once and I will be right back down at the place I am trying to stay away from….so yeah I think this is what I’m doing on a subconscious level, what I need to do now is stop it..but now sure how
I suppose I can start by doing a bit of mindfulness, just being mindful of how I am feeling. Name the emotion and sit with it…
I will at some point at the weekend update with some pictures, I have loads 🙂