ARRRGH! There are no words

I am not quite sure where to start today… there are SO many things on my lil brain today. Well the same as every day I suppose lol!

I started the day by managing to pull a chunk of skin out of my finger before I’d even gotten out of bed and got blood everywhere. I have a batman symbol on my necklace and it is a bit pointy and sharp. I somehow managed to hook it into my finger and as I got up I pulled the skin off and it pissed with blood all over the place lol.

Despite the start to the day it’s not actually been too bad. I’ve done the housework and laundry, got some bits from the shop, so everything is all sorted for tomorrow. I like when everything is all in order and sorted, makes me feel good.

This afternoon I had a short nap, I was just so tired after cleaning and going to the shop. But it was nice 🙂 and I needed it.

After I met up with my friend and her dog and went for a nice dog walk 🙂 I was totally shattered afterwards lol. It was a nice walk though and the dogs definitely needed it.

This evening I got a call from the hospital to say that they cannot guarantee me a bed tomorrow. Which has angered me to know end, literally so furious. So what happens now is that I have to go in tomorrow as planned and I won’t know until about 8 am – 8:30 am whether they have a bed for me and if they are able to take my teeth out or not. If not then I just go home and they re-book it, but I am just so hoping that this will not be the case, as I’ve waited 10 months already for this! I was anxious about tomorrow but now I am even more anxious. Also because they have got my gender down as female…not sure WHY! because I think I remember telling the nurse I saw in July that I was trans…but whatever, so afterwards I will be stuck on a same-sex ward with woman… I may say something when I get there but… if the beds are short then yeah it will probably be an issue, especially as I haven’t started a physical transition. URGH! so complicated. So yeah I am stressed for tomorrow, I just want it over an done with now. So yeah fingers crossed it actually happens!

So once again I am not sure how I feel other then stressed and anxious. They are only secondary emotions, I don’t know what I primarily feel. Mind I think I am probably in a state of disassociation again from my body, I still have the weird controlled breathing again. But I am just trying hard no to focus on it so it doesn’t get worse.

Right I gotta sort my stuff out for tomorrow, what clothes I am going to wear and what I need to take with me. JOYS!

I may not write for a few days now IF they do my teeth tomorrow. So yeah 🙂 fingers crossed!

Peace out

Batman

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: