It’s been just over a week since I was last on here, mainly because since then I’ve had a manic episode and I’ve not been well enough to sit still for too long but I am on the mend now, thankfully. I don’t think my poor lil body could keep up for much longer lol.
Wow so I’m not even sure where to start… Most of what has happened over the last 8 days is a bit of a blur and I don’t remember a lot of it. All I know is that I did a LOT of walking the dogs, going out and doing stuff and not a lot of resting, sleeping or eating.
I was high as a kite and I felt like I was on drugs even though I wasn’t. I think this was kicked off by insomnia, which was caused by the 10 mgs of steroids I took for a week to give myself a boost and it just spiraled from there. Looking back on my last post I can see that I wasn’t being in control of my mood at all, I was just going away with my brain, which isn’t always the best idea.
I was having auditory hallucinations as well, which I’ve only had a few times when I’ve been very stressed. But this was much worse then I’ve ever had before, looking back on it it was funny but at the time it was weird. I felt like I was in a dream all the time, I wasn’t sure what was real and what wasn’t. It was just weird, not fun at all.
When I realised that this was probably all down to lack of sleep, I started taking 50mgs of Quetiapine and that helped me sleep sort of but not a full night. Friday night I decided to take 75 mgs in hope for a full nights sleep, which it did! and I spent all of Saturday sleeping but I so so needed it! My body ached so so much because I was way over doing it, I was so disconnected from my body I just couldn’t feel the pain at all. But Saturday I decided I needed to start meditating again, so I could connect with my body.
Since Saturday I have been meditating in the morning and before I go to bed. I’ve also been eating properly as well, so I’ve been having breakfast and lunch and dinner 🙂 I’ve not been forcing myself though I’ve actually been feeling hungry, which is great.
My sleep is still not amazing, I still keep waking up at least once a night, usually around 4-5:30 am. So instead of trying to force myself back to sleep, I get up have a drink, take some pain killers, maybe have some toast if I feel hungry and watch a bit of tv. I then meditate and go back to bed to sleep for a bit. I mean it’s not ideal, I would rather be sleeping throughout the night properly but, I suppose I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do in order to get enough sleep and calm my mood down.
Overall my mood has been a bit more settled, I’ve not had any more hallucinations. I’ve been more connected with my body so I’ve not been over doing it. I still have a real flighty feeling inside, feels a bit like bubbles. But I’ve just been trying to ignore it, in hopes it will go away if I don’t fly away with it. I am still taking 50mgs of quetiapine for the time being as I need it until I get back on track.
I am proud of myself for recognising it was a manic episode, for pin pointing the trigger and for using ever tool I know in order to stop it. It has been hard and I’m not out of the woods with it yet but I am definitely on the road of recovery.
I’m 3 weeks methotrexate free now and my stomach is so much better, it’s settled and I am no longer getting any pain. I have also noticed that the other side effects the injections caused have gone as well, which proves my point to the doctors that it WAS the injections! even though it’s not a stated side effect! The side effect was that my muscles in the backs of my legs were really tight and sore and the bottom of my feet were really tight and sore first thing in the morning and I kept telling them it was the injections and they didn’t listen but now I’m not on it my muscles are far less tight and sore.. I don’t think its a coincidence.
I have 4 hospital appointments this month, I have my bone density scan next week, I need bloods done and the week of Christmas I have two appointments, my chest doc and bone doc…joys lol.
I have someone looking into me going to Southampton hospital, where there is a specialist Vasculitis unit and I would really benefit from talking to doctors who actually know what they are talking about!
So yeah that’s me all caught up I think, gender stuff isn’t priority atm but the counselling is going well.
I’m going to wrap this up now but I will try and post some pictures at some point this week.