It’s been another week since I last updated but I am feeling more myself now, so that’s a good improvement from my last post. I can’t even describe how I felt then, I just felt weird and not myself at all. I feel more grounded and settled now as well which has helped me feel more myself again.
I did some guided meditation to help ground me again and I listened to beach noises at night to help me get a more restful nights sleep. Its crazy how it helps so much, just sitting and being in the moment has helped me more then any medication has.
I’m really tired, so I’m struggling to be think of what to write. I hate brain fog so much, it’s so frustrating.
So I’ve had a really good busy week, spent most of it with L and the boys which is always good fun but absolutely exhausting.
Got my sinus infection back again after my two week course of doxycycline. Just over a week until my appointment with my ENT it still feels so far away though. My nose and my head really hurts all time 😦
My man boobs are still swollen and sore which is making the gender dysphoria much worse to deal with because I really don’t feel manly at all. I’ve not been able to bind at all because my chest is just too sore, which is frustrating.
I’m feeling the effects more and more of not being on methotrexate, I’m much more exhausted then usual, after a afternoon out yesterday all I’ve done today is sleep. Also yesterday my knee was swollen, it was so sore and felt really uncomfortable. Its been hurting for a while but I’ve just ignored it, I think it might be time to get it looked at now.
Had some more shit fucking news regarding my disability benefits, they’ve refused my appeal! So this means I now have to take them to a tribunal ffs! I just don’t have the energy for this shit, I really don’t. But I’ve got to keep fighting this because I deserve these benefits because I am ill and unable to work. Its an absolute joke it really is, having to jump through all these hoops just to receive money to survive. This is governing my entire life right now, its all I think about, worry about, talk about. But its important because its effecting me so much, I am a strong boy I can deal with this, like I deal with everything else.
Mr Scrappy has been poorly today, he’s been throwing up this afternoon but he’s been stopped now for an hour or so. Hopefully its just a bug he’s picked up and he’ll feel better in the morning. He’s been like this a few times before, so I’m not overly worried about him, he’s probably just picked up a bug.
Ok lets lighten this shit up a bit lol, um so had a text the other day to say I can upgrade my phone 3 months early, OH HELL YEAH! I was bang straight on it and got myself a iPhone 6, I am loving it, I can’t stop playing around with it and the case feels really nice, I can’t stop touching it lol.
I’ve got a good week ahead of me, so I wont be at a loss of what to do. I am having my eldest nephew tomorrow for a bit which I’m really looking forward too, as I don’t get to spend a lot of time just me and him.
So yeah that’s me, life is mega frustrating right now but when isn’t my life complicated huh…. never lol.
I think if I hadn’t got the early upgrade on my phone then the denial of my appeal for disability benefits would have pushed me over the edge, I somehow feel refreshed and energised because I’ve been bursting for an upgrade and it made me feel so happy. Its hard to put into words that make any sense but I feel ready to fight again, I know I can win this and I am totally up for the fight. I’m definitely feeling more myself 🙂
^^ Scrappy and Foxy enjoying the beach
^^ Found this cool sand art 🙂
^^ My beautiful Marley moo
^^ Scrappy enjoying the sun by the river
^^ Foxy girl enjoying the sun 🙂
Well that’s all for now, I’ll try update sometime this week.