Another week on testosterone, times just flying by so fast. I feel like I can’t keep up right now. I feel like I’m just tumbling towards Christmas and I am so unprepared and just not in the right head space, I can barely organise myself getting out the house at a reasonable time. I keep saying I need to write a list of things that need to be done, but I’ve got so many lists of things.. I can’t be dealing with another one. I wish time would slow down a little bit, so I can catch up.
I’m sat here trying to check in with how I’m feeling today and I honestly couldn’t tell you. I suppose my mood is still low but I mainly feel numb. I’m not grounded at all and I just feel like I’m floating around and nothing feels real. I hate feeling like this but I’ve been trying to ground myself with little success. I literally need to feel like my feet are on the floor, because I feel like I’m hovering just above it. Such a odd feeling and in the summer its easier to ground myself, I just walk outside without my shoes and socks on but its too cold to do that now. I kinda feel like I’m in a pinball machine, just being beating from side to side, up, down and every place in between, not being able to hold on or stop.
I’ve had now new changes from the testosterone this week, my leg and armpit hair are getting nice and long now so that’s pretty cool. I just want my voice to hurry up and break lol. But everything transition wise is going ok, I just wish things would move along a bit quicker but not much I can do about that. I do need to find out the results of last weeks bloods.
Yesterday was Trans day of Remembrance, on Sunday I went to a TDoR service where they read out the names of the 325 trans brothers and sisters who died due to transphobic violence this year, although I suspect the number is much higher then that. It was hard to listen to all these names being read out and to hear how they died. It made me feel grateful to live somewhere that I feel safe to be who I am and I’ve not come across any transphobia in real life. I hope that one day, there will be no ones name on that list and everyone will be able to live their life happily and in safety.
If you’re trans and your reading this or you’re questioning your gender identity, keep strong, live your truth, you are loved, you are wanted, you’re not weird, broken or damaged. You are a wonderful human with the strength the live your life in the most authentic way. Trans is beautiful ❤
^ Trans day of Remembrance service ❤
^ This weeks pic… excuse the fluffy hair lol
That’s it for this week,