Anxiety sucks

I can’t relax. So I thought maybe writing would help.

I’ve been so anxious for the last maybe week or more, but today has been really bad. I’ve barely done anything, I just can’t focus enough to do anything.

A billion thoughts all at once just crashing through my brain uninvited. Non of them helpful and no top of these bad thoughts I have really bad stomach pains, which feel like they did just when my parents divorced. Stress induced stomach ache, I’ve barely eaten all week, just been eating whatever I have in the cupboards. I feel too sick to eat, I just eat so I don’t pass out.

I hate anxiety so much, its so debilitating and can be so hidden too. I can hide it well but inside I’m screaming. I can still do what I absolutely have too but and fake my way through anything, but it doesn’t mean I’m ok. I haven’t had any major issues with anxiety for about 4 years and that was because I chose to stop taking my anti anxiety medication because it was making my moods fluctuate more.

There are good types of anxiety, the good type is where you’re super anxious about meeting someone for the first time but it turns out great, that’s normal healthy anxiety. This anxiety though is not, it makes me feel scared, nervous and defensive, my guards are up because I’m on high alert..although not sure what about.

I just want to close my eyes and for it to all be over, for it to just stop.

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