I’m sure not everyone is happy that it’s raining today but I certainly am, it means I can wear jeans, T-shirt, hoodie and a baseball cap without being hot and without feeling dysphoric about my chest area.
Now I know in 4 weeks I won’t have to worry about it because I’ll be getting top surgery. That doesn’t mean the dysphoria goes away just because I have a date. I feel like it’s actually made it worse and heightened my dysphoria around my chest.
I think it’s because a lot of my focus is going towards arranging stuff, talking about it, counting down the weeks etc. I’m super excited about it but nervous too. So I think that’s all magnified the gender dysphoria.
The last few weeks it’s been hot, so I’ve been living in shorts and T-shirt’s, so today is a welcome break for me. I’m not feeling that added stress and anxiety. I feel a bit more relaxed, as I feel comfortable and safe.
The word that keeps repeating in my head when I think about top surgery is the word FREEDOM and I think surgery will be the start of me releasing stuff that no longer serves me and looking after my body better, because I won’t be self conscious about exercising and I’ll be able to do things that I love, like swimming and maybe I’ll go back to Thai chi.
This will definitely be the start of the next chapter, the more authentic me, the more confident me. I’m so excited for this next stage.
Always be your true self 💜