Today marks 6 weeks since I had top surgery and its still feels a bit surreal and kinda dream like, but its the dream I’ve been dreaming for so long and it feels amazing.
I am really fussy with clothes and one of my concerns was that I non of my top would feel right after surgery, but so far I’ve not had any problems, in fact today I tried on a t-shirt that I’ve not worn in a while because it was tight across my chest area and it now fits perfectly! which I’m so happy about, its an Adventure Time t-shirt and its one of my faves.
I can finally sleep on my side properly now! which feels great. I don’t sleep well on my back but I’ve had too. So I’m hoping I can get my sleeping pattern a bit better and hopefully I’ll be able to sleep a bit better now as well.
Now my scars are healed and I have no scabs left I can go swimming! which I am beyond happy about, I love swimming and I love being in the water, near the water. I’m such a water baby! So now I need to get myself some swim shorts and find somewhere to swim. My local pool is always chilly which hurts my bones, but I know another pool close to me is always warmer. But I know the thought and actually doing it will be 2 different things, it will be scary but so freeing!
Apart from like once or twice, I’ve mainly been seen as male when I’m out and about which is amazing! Especially when out with my dogs and people are calling me their DAD! instead of mum, which used to really kill me each time, it was like a dagger through me. I’ve also noticed I get spoken to differently, it’s often quite nuanced but some occasions its more clear.
I’m starting to feel like I’m finding my place, like where I’m meant to be, who I’m meant to be. I don’t think in the 34 years I’ve ever felt like my real self or like I belonged anywhere, I’m slowly starting to feel who I am on the inside. I always felt trapped inside my head, inside this body but now I feel like its all starting to come out and I can live life as the real me and it feels good.